For The Love Of...
by A.L.E
Summary: Ok folks. I can't really finish my first Buffy series (that started with Big Wiggins) until the current season is over. So to tide you over here is a little AU story based on events from "Normal Again". What would happen if Spike told the Scoobies of his
1. For The Love Of...

This is an AU story based off of events from the episode "Normal Again", What would happen if Spike hadn't waited for Buffy to tell the others about their relationship. Of course I don't actually own anything mentioned in this fic. Ahhh if only I did.... Please enjoy and review!  
  
For The Love Of...  
  
"Either you tell them about us....or I will." Spike turned to leave but her voice stopped him. "I can't," Buffy whispered. "I can't, 'cuz....because you're not real." Her eyes glazed over as tears started to form. Spike's brow furrowed as he leaned in to study her. "What the hell do you mean? I'm sodding well real! I'm standing here in front of you now ain't I?" He continued to gaze at her, expecting a response, but none was forthcoming. "Oh, so that's it, is it? Play the silent game. Pretend 'ol Spike's not here. Fine then, you don't want to talk to me. You can talk to your pals when they come storming up here!" Still no response, or flicker of acknowledgement. Spike leaned over to try to look into her downcast eyes. "I'm going to go tell them now." Nothing. "I said- Fine, you want to play it this way? Then don't blame me!" He whirled around and headed for the stairs. Under his breath, "You bloody well asked for this Slayer!" Buffy couldn't even glance up or comprehend Spike's words as she was bombarded from within by her parents. "There not real, honey. There just traps for your mind....."  
  
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Xander twiddled his thumbs in mock boredom as he looked to Spike and asked, "Alright, Oh Bleached Mysterious One, what is this all about? Some us have actual lives to get to. Well, those of us who are alive, that is." Spike cast a figid glare at Xander as he took a seat opposite the three on the couch. "You know, I don't even know why I included you in this. It's not like the Slayer really cares about your opinion. In fact, you can leave! If anything needs a good running away from, I'll be sure to give Captain Poofter a jingle." Xander stood, obviously angry. "You know Spike, I kicked your ass last night and boy how I'd love a little deja vu right now." He started to step around the coffee table when a hand on his arm stopped him. "Xander, stop. This isn't the time. I-I realize that a Scooby meeting being called by a guy who's...well, not, is a little weird, but if it has to do with Buffy I think we should listen." Willow looked up at Xander to see if her words were working. She really didn't want to have to put the table back together the hard way. Xander looked first at Willow, then at Spike. When he took a deep breath he back stepped and sat down again. "Fine. You wanna hear what Chips Ahoy has to say, I'm in. But if it's lame I reserve the right to show him the light...at the end of the porch." He leaned back in the couch and crossed his arms. It was obvious he didn't believe Spike, though the vampire hadn't said a word yet. Spike glanced at the ex-witch and nodded. "Thanks, Red. Glad to see your bitchy withdrawal days are behind you." Willow narrowed her eyes and spoke with a confident sense of strength. "Don't make me regret forgetting the spell that could turn you into an actual ass, Spike." The vampire cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair. "Right, well shall we then?" He looked down, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. After a moment he lifted his gaze back to the three on the sofa. "Now, first of all I want a promise that no matter what I say none of you will send any stake, holy water or sunshine good tidings my way, alright? Let me get it all out and then you can deal with Buffy....and me if you think it's necessary." Dawn hugged herself and sunk lower down in her seat. "I don't like this already." Spike looked her way and he was almost sad for a second. "You're going to like it even less in a minute, niblet." He looked at all of them again. "For the past...well....oh bloody hell, I don't even know how long it's been, but since shortly after Buffy....came back. After all the singing and prancing around, she's been...seeing me." He scrunched his face up as he expected a verbal and physical attack. None was forthcoming. They just stared back at him, with confused looks. Xander went first, "Well yeah Spike. We all know she goes to you for help once in awhile. You know, some patrolling, some backup muscle, maybe to occasionally beat you up for info, and might I add, that's my favorite Buffy extracurricular activity. So what? You called us together for that?" Dawn's eyes slowly widened. "I don't th-think that's what he means." Willow looked over at Dawn. "What do you mean Dawn? Do you know something we don't?" Spike took another deep, unneeded breath. "No. She doesn't know, but for being the youngest here I think she catches on the quickest. I meant Buffy has been seeing me. In a...Passions...sort of way." He laughed to himself, "Would make a bloody briliant show for the tele." Xander sat straight up in his seat. His eyes were like saucers. "You mean...in a touchy feely sort of way?" His voice rose unexpectedly at the end. "Or..or do you mean in a..a porn sort of way?" Willow caught the quick shocked looks of the two who flanked her and dropped her eyes to the ground as the color rose straight up from her toes. "O-ok so maybe porn wasn't the right word." Spike smirked, "No actually porn doesn't quite do it justice. We found ways to do things even I had never thought of-" "Spike!" Xander glared at him and tried to slyly indicate Dawn with a twitch of his head. "Oh, right. Uhh..what I meant to say was..." "Don't worry Spike, " Dawn looked annoyed. "I know what you meant. And despite what these two might think, I do know what sex is. But still...ewww!" Willow tried to find the words. "S-so you and Buffy are-. I-I mean you two were dating...sorta?" Spike leaned back again with a satisfied smirk. "Actually I think we skipped that phase. Along with the courtship, the proposal, the wedding, and went straight to the newly-wed sex." He looked at Xander. "Maybe you should have skipped all that too, hmm? No need to run for the hills and leave her hanging then." Xander stood up and scrambled around the table to grab Spike by the collar. He was just about to hoist him up, when he caught the sight of motion from the stairs. He glanced over and saw Buffy standing there. Willow followed his eyes and saw the Slayer as well. She stood and started to say something, but choked a little and was forced to hold her tongue. Dawn stood up and glared at her sister. "How could you do this?" Wetness welled up in her eyes. "How could you make me feel like this, and leave me alone all the time to go be with...him!" She angrily pointed at Spike and waited for an answer. "Look, bit, I'm sure your sister-" "Shut up Spike!" Willow finally found her voice. She glared at the vampire for a moment before she turned back to Buffy. "Is...is this true Buffy?" Her voice was more gentle than she had intended. Buffy stood on the third to last step, and stared at the ground just below her friend's feet. She had poured out the antidote her "friend" had given her, and now she needed to find a way to make them all go away. She just wanted to leave here and go home with her mom and dad and be normal again. She looked up with a far away expression, "It doesn't matter now...."  
  
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Willow tried to puzzle out what was happening. She knew Buffy was acting a little odd, but maybe that was just a side effect of the de- poisoning process. She wanted to ask Buffy if Spike was lying or not, but she was pretty sure Buffy was too out of it for her to believe right now. Spike was evil, given a chipped up sorta good guy evil, but a vampire, a demon, none the less. Willow couldn't imagine the Slayer bunking up with a vampire, except that she had done it before. And Angel was a vampire too, once evil and then good, but he was different wasn't he? She shook her head and then closed her eyes as she sunk down to lay her forehead on the table. This could only be cleared up by Buffy, and that wasn't going to happen for awhile. Why did Spike have to pick such a horrible time to do this? She couldn't take much more in her life right now, what with her rehab, and trying to get Tara back and- wait, had she asked Tara to come over tonight? She couldn't remember right off the top of her head so she figured she better go get ready, just in case. She never even saw the Slayer sneak up behind her.  
  
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Xander stalked around his place trying to reason this all out. He knew he was not going to accept what Spike had said until he heard it from Buffy herself. Given her current to be or not to be crazy status, he couldn't ask her to clarify. So he had two options. One, he could go over to Spike's crypt and stake him just for the feel goodiness of it, or two, he could go back to Buffy's and try to be reasonable. Talk to Wil and Dawn and figure this out. They could help Buffy along until she was able to deny all this. She was going to deny it wasn't she? He couldn't bring himself to believe that she had picked yet another evil vampire, loser to shack up with. He loved Buffy very much, in ways he often wasn't prepared to admit to himself, but he had to get it through to her that she can't just go boink guys like that! He may even have to be kinda rough on her to get his point across. Man, Anya would have a really blatant, to the point way of putting all this, so as to clear it up for him and make it easy. But she wasn't here. He didn't know where she was and he knew that was just one more problem he had to face. Too many women he decieded. He definately needed more guy friends.  
  
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Dawn couldn't think of anything except getting out. She had to go to Janice's where she could figure this all out, and maybe have some ice cream. She could tell Willow she was leaving, and hopefully stay the weekend. Let all the so called grown ups handle this. Buffy didn't care about her or what she did, so why should she care about who Buffy gets horizontal with? Dawn thought about the fact that she had also fallen for a vampire, but she had killed him. Buffy always seemed to just go to bed with them. So who was immature now? Dawn cocked her head as she thought she heard Buffy call her name from downstairs. She listened but didn't hear it again. She went back to her packing choosing to ignore it. She couldn't care less what her vampire loving, half crazed sister had to say anyways. Before she even heard her, Buffy was at her door.  
  
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Spike sat at his crypt staring off into the tv, not really even seeing what was playing on it. He knew it had been a bad idea to let the big furry cat out of the bag earlier, but he was damned tired of carrying on Buffy's ridiculous chirade. Her sodding self righteous, holier than thou, can't screw the evil vamp in front of the others attitude, had gone on for long enough! He loved her and was damn proud of that fact. He knew she could be too if she would just admit it to herself. Her best side was her dark side and as soon as she realizes that, the sooner she will be happy. If that was even an option for her. He wondered if that was a clause in the Slayer contract, a little fine text at the bottom that says, "save the world but don't expect to ever be happy about it". If he could just make her see that he had changed, well, at least make her see that he was willing to go along with the whole neutered vampy routine, if only he could be with her. Love was a hell of a tricky thing, and he was pretty sure he was the only demon in history who was physically forced to love his mortal enemy, but he could deal. His lot in life was cast and he had all of eternity to put up with it. She wouldn't be there for all eternity, but his love for her would be, and he might as well accept it. He was whipped and even centuries of time may not change that. She was going through something big right now, and here he sat trying his best to ignore it. Balls! He was going to have to go back over there and straighten all this up. Now where was his blanket?  
  
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Buffy sat staring into the distance as she sipped at the cup of newly brewed antidote. Willow kneeled before her and tried to clean off the green goo, the demon had left on her hand. She blinked and came slowly back to reality. Buffy saw Dawn sitting quietly in another chair at the dining room table. She appeared to be valiantly holding back tears. The Slayer then looked up to find Xander leaning against the kitchen doorframe. He too was looking at the floor and had the expression of a man who was trying to figure something out. Willow finished her task and looked up at her friend. "Ok Buffy, you're all set. Although I would recommend a shower soon, some of this stuff wouldn't quite come off." Buffy glanced down at her hand and moved it as if using it for the first time in a long time. She tried to smile at her friend. "Thanks. You didn't have to do that." Willow stood up and smiled. "It's ok. You've been through a lot today. I only wish there was something else I could do." "It's fine. I'm fine. I just think I need some sleep." Xander spoke for the first time since the they had dispposed of the demon's body. "Listen, Buff, I'm all for you getting rest and recovering from this, but I think there's some things that just won't wait for tomorrow." Buffy looked up at him and pleaded to him with her eyes, "Xander, please-" "Why, Buffy?" This came from Dawn who was now glaring at her older sister. "You have to tell me, and now. Why would you do this to us? And why were you with Spike?" "Ok...ummm, one at a time ok Dawnie?" Willow looked back to her demon slaying friend. "Buffy? Why did you attack us tonight? I-I mean we're not angry or anything, we just...kinda need to know." Buffy dropped her gaze back to the floor as she thought about her answer. "Because...because in the other world, mom was there." She didn't even notice Xander's shocked look, or Willow's saddening face. "Dad, too. And...we were a family. Well, if I could have gotten out of the institution, we would have been. The only way I could do that was to destroy my delusions." She looked up now, "To destroy you guys. I had to make myself believe that everything that has happened for the last six years was a fantasy. Hitting you guys and tying you up, " she couldn't finish. Tears streamed down her face as she squeaked out the rest of her explanation. " I had to destroy you guys here to be normal there. And..and I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I tried to kill you, but I just wanted to-" Willow leaned over and took her friend's head on her shoulder. Buffy couldn't stop crying as Willow stroked her hair. "You wanted to what? You wanted to live there?" Dawn now had tears of her own. "You wanted to live so badly in that world that you would kill us in this one? You chose a life without me? A life that was fake? A life without Willow or Xander or....or me?" She sobbed openly now. "Dawnie, let her finish...I'm sure that's not what she meant." Willow pulled back as Buffy sat up and looked her in the eyes. A fatally defeated look appeared on the Slayer's face as she spoke." It is. That is what I meant. I'm sorry, but I just wanted to feel like I had a place again. I wanted to belong someplace normal. But, but I came out of it! I realized that I was wrong and...and I had to have you guys...I couldn't-" "I miss mom too Buffy." Dawn wiped the tears away as anger took over. "But I wouldn't give you up just to get her back! But I guess you would? You would give me up?" Dawn stared straight at her sister as she yelled. "How can I believe you? You tell me all these things and now I know you would make them all just dreams to go back to a life where I'm not there!" She walked over to stand just above her older sister and whispered, "How am I suppose to believe you when you say you care? When you say you love me?" As she began to break down again she darted out of the room. "Dawn!" Willow tried to catch her but Buffy stopped her. "It's ok Wil. She's right. I haven't been fair or even honest to you guys in a long time. I was just so lost...." she bowed her head and let the tears continue. Xander walked forward. He stopped where he could see both his friend's faces. "Well as warm and fuzzy as that makes me feel, I have a feeling this is going to be worse. Why Spike, Buffy?" Willow looked up. "Xander, maybe we should leave her be for a bit-" "No! Sorry Wil but I think we need to hear this, and it might as well be now." He looked again to the sobbing Slayer. "Buff, how could you, you know, with a vampire? An evil vampire, actually evil this time. And then lie to us about it." Buffy raised her head as a bit of righteous anger filled her. "Why? How can you even ask me that? Look at how you're acting Xander! I was trying to avoid this! I didn't want to hurt you guys!" "Hurt us? What by not telling us your swapping fluids with a a guy who tried to kill us more times than I can count? Gee, how would that hurt us more than this?" He put his hands on his hips as he glared down at her, standing his ground. Willow tried to reason a way she could stay on Buffy's side ,and not gang up on her, but she couldn't think of how right now. "He...sorta has a point Buffy. I don't mean to cause you more pain, but-" Buffy rose out of her chair, and balled her fists. "More pain? More?!? How could you cause me more Wil? Huh? Tell me! You rip me out of heaven, nearly kill my sister and yourself, you barely raise a finger to help around her because you're too damn weak to get over your own problems, and now you want to interrogate me on my personal life?? How the hell do you think you could cause me more pain?" Willow involuntarily took a step back under Buffy's tirade. The Slayer then turned towards Xander. "And you! Who the hell do you think you are to be accusing me of bad relationships! You dated an ex demon who tortured men for centuries and then even screwed that up when you chickened out! I'd say you don't have a damn clue what your talking about! In fact, I think you should leave, before you say something that causes me to beat the crap out of you for real." Xander stepped closer and glared right back at the irate demon killer. "Is that what you want to do Buffy? Punch me? Well go ahead. I would rather you beat on me than have you give any more happys to the demon community!" He didn't get to say anything else as his world turned up side down, and suddenly he was on his side staring at the wall. The left side of his face hurt and he thought he could taste blood. "Xander!" Willow ran over to tend to her fallen friend. She knelt down and took stock of his injury. She looked back at Buffy with tears rolling down her face. "How could you! Buffy, it's Xander! Your friend. How could you hit him?" Buffy blinked several times, trying to both clear her mind and hold back the tears forming again. "I...I'm sorry. Xander I'm so sorry, but...you guys have to give me some space and let me deal with this." "Right, like you've been delaing all this time?" Xander sat up holding his jaw and cheek. "Ever since you came back Buff, you've done nothing but push us away. We try to help and you tell us to leave you alone or that we wouldn't understand-" "That's because you don't understand! You can't!" She choked on the lump in her throat. "That's 'cuz you won't let us. We've faced everything together Buffy. We are always right there with you. But if you don't want us, then just say the word, because I for one don't need any unneccessary dental work. If you would rather pal around in the sack with a vampire-" "Geez, you don't stop do you? Why do you keep attacking me? If I thought you would have understood anything I was going through then I would have told you! Spike was the only one who understood. He was the only one who didn't treat me like I was this fragile little girl! He didn't judge me and he didn't excpect anything. He just...." "He just made it easy. That's what he did. He made it easy for you, so you just fell in with his lies and his pretty boy charms so you didn't have to deal." Willow allowed a little anger to mar her features now. "You wanted to be with an evil creature more than us. You..." She stopped. The building anger and frustration took all her vocal abilites from her. "She came to me, because I didn't try to get her to accept things that aren't true." Spike appeared from out of nowhere to stand just behind Buffy. He looked over everyone to try to get a take on the situation. "I gave her what she wanted. Acceptance. You ponces always tried to make her what you wanted her to be. A mum, a Slayer, a rehab buddy, a shoulder to cry on...even a sodding marriage counselor. Without one thought for what she needed, of what she wanted. With no regard for her feelings. I on the other hand-" "Get out Spike." Buffy spoke in a routine sort of way, not threatening in the slightest. "What? I come here to apologize, and in fact end up defending you ,and you want to throw me out?" "No, I want to throw you out Spike. She just told you to leave." Xander took a step towards the vampire to emphasize his point. Spike ignored him and put his hands on Buffy's shoulders. He gently spun her around and tried to lock gazes with her. "Look at me Buffy. I don't know what happened while I was gone, but this just goes to prove what I have been saying. You belong with me. You don't have to be ashamed now, because it's all out in the open. If these wankers can't understand what we have then I say piss off. You don't need them." Buffy looked up at the vampire with a troubled but calm look. " I...I can't-" "Just go." Everyone turned to look at Dawn who had come in through the kitchen door without anyone noticing. "It's not like you were ever really here anyway. Willow can take care of me, or even a foster family for all I care. So just go...be with Spike and let us get back to living without you. We were getting pretty good at it before they brought you back." Willow was almost too stunned to move. "Dawn, you don't mean that. Buffy's just...just confused we can help her!" "Get out!" Dawn payed no attention to the former witch. She let a single tear fall before screaming. "Get out! Go away! Get out!!" Buffy looked at the floor as more tears came forth. Spike nudged her from behind. She glanced back at the three of them, though she could barley make them out in her tear blurred vision. She swallowed hard, once, and then turned to Spike. She brushed past him to the kitchen and opened the outside door. Once outside, she turned and looked only at Spike. He threw a quick gaze back at the three stunned dining room occupants, before turning and grabbing the handle of the door to close it behind him. Dawn began to cry again as she spun and ran up to her room. Xander followed her until she was out of sight, then turned and looked to Willow. She stood staring at the door Buffy had exited through. Tears streaked her face, though she made no sound. Xander slowly put his arm up around her and she leaned her head onto his shoulder. "What do you think we should do now?" He waited for her answer by also staring at the door. After several attempts, words finally made it past Willow's lips. "We need to go talk to Dawn. She shouldn't be alone." Xander sighed. "We should probably call Giles too. He'll....he needs to know." Willow straightened up. "Maybe Angel too. And, and I'll tell Tara, she deserves to know what happened, after Buffy tried to kill her too." She stood and gazed at the door for a few moments before she spoke again. "You think she'll come back? Xander sighed again and shook his head. "I dunno." "But, but she's always come back before! Lots of times! She has to Xander..." she began to sob again. He hugged her closer. "Yeah but we never actually pushed her away before. Like Dawn said, I'm not sure she can come back. Because that would mean she had been here in the first place." Xander steadied Willow before heading for the phone. "You go talk to Dawn, I'll try to get ahold of Giles." Willow didn't even hear Xander. She just stared at the door for awhile before turning and heading upstairs. Xander saw Willow leave out of the corner of his eye. Once he heard her walking up the stairs he put down the phone reciever and sat down in one of the chairs. When he felt the warm tears hit his cheeks, he buried his face in his hands.  
  
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TBC? 


	2. So Long And Goodbye

Part two of my AU story that started with "For The Love Of..." This one advances the timeline to a couple of the more recent real-life episodes. More to come later. Enjoy and review!!  
  
Disclaimer:If I owned any of this stuff, I wouldn't be writing this here, more like in the Bahamas or somewhere.  
  
  
  
  
So Long And Goodbye  
  
  
Spike closed the refrigerator after he put the supplies inside. He turned to see if she had moved yet, but she still sat slumped in his chair blankly staring at the re-run of some old movie on the tele. She had been there all day. She didn't even acknowledge his words as he had told her he was going to go get some food and supplies for her. The only thing in his fridge had been a half empty jar of blood, and he didn't expect the Slayer to live on that. But now, after his return, she was still sitting there exactly as he had left her. She looked tired, and completely beaten. He couldn't remember ever having seen her this bad.  
The night before, as they finally arrived at Spike's crypt, she had told him to leave her alone. When he persisted that they talk, she had ignored him and crawled into his chair, assuming a fetal position. She never said another word as she cried herself to sleep. Choosing to give her space, Spike had gone downstairs to his newly "acquired" bed and had also fallen asleep. He awoke to the sounds of the tv and went upstairs only to find her staring at shows she wasn't really seeing. He tried to start a conversation, even some small talk, anything to get her to snap out of it. It had been all for not though, as Buffy refused to even look at him. Her gaze was so far out of focus that he was pretty sure she hadn't even heard him.  
Spike stepped around to face her, trying to look into her eyes. Last night and this morning he could forgive, but he thought it was high time they hashed this out. "Buffy." No reaction whatsoever. "Buffy, if your planning on living with me, you're going to have to start talking to me." He waited, but still nothing. He took a deep breath and sighed. "Fine pet, have it your way. You listen, I'll talk." He sat down cross legged in front of her. Making sure he was between her and the television.  
After a couple of moments, he sighed again and started. "Buffy...I know what happened last night must have been hard for you. Maybe harder than anything you've ever done. But it was for the best, luv. You didn't want them, and they didn't want you anymore. Not even your own bleedin' sister. You have to see that." Buffy blinked and lowered her gaze to the floor. "I also know that you being here now isn't really a victory for me. You're only here, at your second choice, because your first choice threw you out. But I love you. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it 'til you believe me. Until you make me first choice and stay here. Stay here, with me, because you want to, not because you're forced to."  
He stared into her downcast eyes for a moment longer before he got up. He turned to switch off the television, and then went downstairs. Several minutes later, he reappeared, carrying a small bag and his black leather coat. He set them down near the door, then turned to see her still sitting staring at the floor. He walked closer to the chair but didn't walk into her line of vision. "Buffy. Buffy you might want to listen to me." She didn't stir. "What I said before about being second place was true wasn't it?" No answer. "I know it is. You don't have to answer. I know that you need a place to stay. That's fine, stay here as long as you like. In fact, you can look after the place for me. There's food...and stuff for you in the fridge. But I can't stay." He lowered his eyes to the floor as well and then lowered his voice. "I remember what it's like to be second. All too well. I even remember what it's like to be lower than that. I wasn't even second to anyone before I became a vampire. And though I know now that I was never actually first with Drusilla, I recall plain as day, what it felt like when I thought I was."  
He looked up at her again as he straightened his shoulders. He wanted to sound strong when he said the rest of what he had to say. Even if he didn't feel strong. "I want to feel that way again. I want to be first again. If I can't make you love me, then I'm damn well gonna make you put me first. Whatever I have to do, I'll do it. I'll make it so I'm the first thing on your mind, everyday. In one way or another, I'll make it so I haunt you, the way you've haunted me." His blue eyes glinted as the strength he wanted finally came to him. " That's why I'm leaving."  
Realization crept into the Slayer's gaze as she slowly lifted her head. She swallowed to moisten her dry throat so she could speak. However, when she tried it came out as a hoarse whisper. "What?"  
Spike took a step towards the chair. He still couldn't see her face, but at least she had finally spoken. "You heard me, Buffy. I'm leaving."  
Buffy grabbed the arms of the chair as she pushed herself up. She stood slowly and turned to look at her vampire antagonist's face for the first time since last night. She had looked at him then to silently ask if he was leaving with her. Now she was looking at him to silently ask if he was leaving without her. "Why?"  
Spike stood his ground but felt the strength he desperately needed, starting to ebb. "I just told you why, luv. But if you need another reason then you need to think back to your human-window days. I told you that if I couldn't have all of you, then I didn't want any of you. I threw you out then, but now you don't have anyplace else to go. So I'm leaving this time. Plus there's something that I've been needing to do."  
She couldn't look at him anymore as she tried to stop the tears from forming. She had cried way too much last night and didn't want to start again now. She absently watched a dust bunny creep across the floor as she spoke. "You're leaving? After what happened last night...after my friends left me...you-" The tears were once again stronger than her will as they slipped silently down her cheeks. "You said you were the only one. You said you accepted me when they wouldn't and now you're leaving too? How can you say you love me when you're leaving me-" She fell to her knees as full blown crying took her breath away. She couldn't take anymore of this and her reason was breaking down. She wanted so badly to get up and make sure that the last person in her life didn't leave her. But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't make him stay anymore than he could. So she sat back on her heels as she let the tears fall unhindered.  
Spike took an involuntary step forward when she dropped to her knees, before he could stop himself. He had to stay put! If he went to her now he would never be able to go. He had to leave and he had to leave soon. "Buffy, I do accept you, and I want to stay, but I can't. Until you find a way to put me ahead of everything else I can't be with you." She didn't look up as he forced himself to turn and grab his bag and coat. At the doorwell he turned once again to look at her. "Go back to them Buffy. Gather them, talk to them. Cry, hug, do whatever it is you sodding people do, but figure it out, pet. Work it out so that I can be first." He felt a wave of rage hit him when she didn't respond. He tried to hold it back as best he could. "Buffy? Do you hear me? This is your one and only shot to make this right. Do you understand?"  
Buffy's eyes blinked to clear her vision. The tears stopped abruptly when the scorned anger surfaced. She slowly lifted her head to glare into his eyes. "I understand. I understand that you're an evil, cold hearted, son of a bitch!" He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but she didn't let him speak. "I understand that when I need you the most, you leave. I understand that you obviously don't know anything about real love, because if you did you wouldn't do this! You keep spouting off about how you love me and how much you care and how much you've changed." Wiping tears from her face, Buffy rose to her feet. "What you need to understand is that you're still an evil, soulless, bastard, that couldn't change for love, even if you actually knew what that was. You said last night that you were always there for me and that you didn't expect anything from me. Only now you expect me to just drop my friends...my family, to be with you. You hurt me and want me to hurt myself, all so that you can feel like you're first! How can you even ask me why I could never love you?"  
With his resolve slipping farther away by the second, Spike hoisted his coat over his shoulder and put his other hand on the handle of the door. He turned to her again, trying to get his point across. "Make-me-first-Buffy. Or else I won't be held responsible for what happens when I come back."  
Buffy's eyes widened incredulously. "Are you threatening me? Because if you are, that will definately get you first! But not on the 'most wanted' list you're looking for!"  
Spike leaned his head forward to look the Slayer dead in the eye. His expression, shadowed as it was in the crypt, almost resembled his demon face. "Say what you will Buffy, but I love you. Find a way to love me. Because if you don't, there's only one other emotion that's strong enough to apply to us. And you won't like that one when I come back. The big love or the Big Bad, your choice, Slayer." With that he opened the door and strode outside, slamming the door behind him.  
Though the anger didn't subside, brand new tears found their way to Buffy's eyes. Confusion, anger, despair, and defeat all vied for control of her. The emotion that won reared it's head as she reached back and grabbed the chair she had been sitting in. In the blink of an eye it was sailing through the air to crash up against the door. Unfortunately for the chair, the door held, and the sitting piece splintered into a dozen fragments. At the same time Buffy slumped to a crumpled sitting position on the floor. She wanted to scream and yell but all she could manage was a whispered, "Damn you, Spike."  
  
Spike was pushing his motorcycle out of its hiding place when he heard something crash and break inside his crypt. He glanced down long enough to kick the stand into place, then once his bike was propped up he took off at a run for the front door. He was just a stride or two away from it when he forced himself to come to a sudden halt. He couldn't go in. If he did it would ruin everything he had just said to her. He wanted badly to take her into his arms and tell her everything would be ok, and that he would never leave. But he couldn't. His unbeating heart told him to go in, but his determined mind told him to turn around and leave town. If he was ever going to get what he wanted from her, then he had to go. . A look of saddened longing played over his visage as he turned and went back to his ride. He pulled it completely from it's stash spot and threw his right leg over it. Once in the seat he kick started it and reved the small motor. With one boot he threw the kick-stand back and let the rear wheel dig a rut in the ground as he sped off towards the road.   
Once there he fish-tailed to a stop and cast a glance back at the small part of his crypt that he could see. The saddened look once again being overrun by an expression of angered determination. Let her tear the whole damn place up! Just goes to show that despite what she thinks, she isn't better than him. He didn't care how she came to a decision, just so long as she did. After a moment he said to the cool night air, "That's right, don't get too comfy Slayer. Because when I get back....for good or bad...things are gonna change."  
  
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Halfway across town, hidden in a bush, Warren fingered the weapon in his hand. He was determined to do this with or without his two fellow crime lords. The Slayer had messed up his plans too many times and then thrown it back in his face. She thought she was better than him, but he was going to show her that she wasn't. He'll show her that in fact, she is beneath him. He just wished that he could do it soon. His legs were cramping up from crouching behind the bush for so long, and his hands were sweating so bad he thought he might drop the gun. Plus, twilight was leaving, and real darkness was settling in. He could barley make out the Slayer's front door let alone anyone coming out of it. But he figured he could still tell a girl from a boy and a blonde from a brunette, and that was all he needed. Just as he was blinking his eyes to get a better focus on the door, it opened. He took one look and then quickly stood up from his hiding place. He couldn't make out much of the person backing out of the door, until blonde hair reflected the porch light's glow. That was good enough for him as his impatience took over. After a couple of hurried steps towards the house, he began shooting.  
  
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Willow followed Tara down the steps towards the front door. Willow inwardly wished her lover could stay, but knew that despite their steamy make-up session, there were still some necessary boundaries. She would live with them until they became unnecessary boundaries. Tara reached the door and turned to her red headed girlfriend. She smiled and leaned forward, indicating her want for a kiss. Willow found the last step and stopped. She didn't want to give in to this whole "goodbye" thing just yet. "You don't have to go, Tara. I know I said this like a hundred times, but you could stay, we could talk." She looked hopefully at the other witch.  
Tara straightened up and smirked her little half smile. "Sorry Wil, but I think you know as well as I do that if I stayed, we wouldn't be talking."  
Willow threw a sly smile back at her target. "Well, I would probably talk alot. Only, in body language. With maybe a few moans thrown in to keep you on your toes."  
Tara cocked an eyebrow. "If I stayed, I wouldn't be on my toes either. Look, I'm sorry. I-I want to stay. But I think we do need to take it at least a little slow. Ok?"  
Willow finally took that last step to the ground floor. She reached forward and took the blonde's hand. "Ok. Whatever you want. I'm good really. I want to make sure we do it right this time too." She smiled again and then leaned forward to get the goodbye kiss she had witheld moments before.  
The two of them caught each other's lips just as Tara turned the handle on the door. She wanted to break contact, but couldn't seem to stop kissing the one person she wanted, that she had finally gotten back. She took a step out of the door but Willow followed. She didn't break the kiss until she was fully out of the door and heard an odd sound.  
Willow didn't want to stop kissing Tara for all the money in the world. She wanted this moment, like alot of their moments together, to stand still in time and last forever. Tara tried leaving but Willow followed her. She would follow her all the way to Tara's place if she could. After all, Tara had said she had to leave here. She never said Willow couldn't go there. Finally Tara pulled back enough to break the kiss, when Willow heard a sound she couldn't quite place.  
Tara started to turn to see what the racket was when she felt an odd sort of sensation sweep quickly through her chest. Suddenly a small piece of the doorframe splintered next to her and a moment later, before she could move or speak, the window to the door's left shattered. She thought she heard someone shouting behind her, but couldn't make out the words. When all the glass had come to rest on the porch, she turned her gaze back at Willow, only to find the ex-wiccan's shirt spattered with what looked like dark red paint. Confused by not only that, but by the fact that her vision was rapidly going black, all she could say was "Willow, your shirt...."  
Willow's mind realized what was going on in time to turn and shield her face as the glass exploded. The sound from outside stopped only to be replaced by a man's voice shouting something about the Slayer. Figures, never a dull moment at Buffy's house. She opened her eyes to try to find the man outside, but as she did, her thoughts caught up to real time. She glanced down and saw the red liquid on her shirt. It looked like wine or...maybe blood. Her startled face tilted upwards as she looked then at Tara. The girl of her dreams looked back at her with an odd blank, confused expression. Tara mumbled something about Willow's shirt and then slumped forward to fall face first to the ground. Willow immediately dropped to her knees, as she got her wish. Time seemed to freeze and it felt as though it were an eternity before she grabbed her lover and turned her over into her lap. Tara's shirt was also now covered in the dark red liquid, only hers wasn't splattered, it was soaked through. All of it running from one particularly dark spot over her heart.  
"Tara? Baby?" Willow couldn't figure out why Tara's body seemed to blur, until she realized she was crying. At the same time, the thought she was unconciously trying to push away, came to the forefront. Tara had just been shot. Willow leaned down to Tara's face to see if she was breathing. She wasn't. "Tara? Please Tara wake up! C'mon baby!" Tears from Willow dripped down onto Tara's face. Time stopped completely as Willow came to the horrible conclusion. Tara was dead.  
Willow continued to sob and placate the unhearing corpse. She held on to Tara fiercly. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe somone had done this. She couldn't believe anything, until her mind settled on one thought. Revenge. She believed with all her heart and soul that whether she could get Tara back or not, that whoever did this would pay! She lifted her vision back to the yard outside the house. She couldn't see anyone. Her gaze fell upon the spot her mind told her she had last glimpsed the person in the yard. As she glared at that spot, the doorframe closest to her line of sight began to singe and eventually sizzle, as if being melted from within. The spot on the ground outside started to smoke and then lit fire. The fire burned white hot and torched the ground black, but only took a moment to do it's job and then wink out of existence.   
She tried so hard to see, so hard to find somebody, that her eyes began to burn. But not with pain. They began to burn with fire. The dark, consuming power she had always done her best to stay away from. Her eyes glazed over black only to have the fire spring from her pupils and light the blackness with the searing magic. Willow cast her head back and reveled in the feeling of the power, that would let her tear the world apart, to get her revenge. 


End file.
